Navigating Stormy Times -- Part II

All of us feel the impact of what’s happening in the world today in our minds and in our hearts.  This post is the second in a three-part series addressing how to renew and replenish during these really challenging times.  In order to support our families and communities, it is integral to sustain our own wellbeing.  Especially in times of chronic stress, when so much feels out of our control, it’s important to get back to the “basics”, what we can control.  

Three key practices to support our wellbeing are: 

1.     Calm our nervous system

2.     Access our inner resources

3.     Deepen our connection with others 

To recap from the last post, the first of these interconnected practices is to calm our nervous system.  Our mind and mood cannot be separated from our bodies and physiology.  So, the first step is to reconnect with our physical bodies and overall health.  This means pay attention to nutrition, movement, rest, and mindful relaxation or meditation.  There’s a ton of science that supports this as a key to physical and mental health.  

Today we’re going to focus on the second interrelated practice:  accessing our inner resources.  When in a state of chronic stress and non-stop demands, we may feel we don’t have time to cultivate connection with the larger purpose of our life.  But, paradoxically, when we take the time to pause and connect with our deeply held personal values and intentions, life can feel more manageable and we can feel more connected and less alone.  Research shows that folks with a strong sense of purpose in life do better on mental wellbeing measures, exercise more, engage in more health preventative behaviors, have improved stress management, less depression and anxiety, and greater life satisfaction. I love the work of Dr. Shauna Shapiro around intention, attention, and attitude.

Our intention can powerfully focus our attention.  Where we focus our attention, becomes our life.  

We all have habits, some are more uplifting and sustaining than others.  COVID has strained all of our abilities and time.  But what we practice, even a little bit, grows stronger, especially if we do so in community.  Clear intention can help us pause, amidst the demands of daily life, and focus our attention on uplifting habits and relationships. The science demonstrates that healthy behavior change (uplifting habits) is more sustainable when it is motivated by unique and personal goals and values (as opposed to external ideas or expectations).  Expectations come from outside of us (often in the form of pressure or critical self-evaluation), intentions come from within.  

In addition to intention and attention, the attitude with which we approach our intentions and habits really matters.   One of our key inner resources is our mindset.  Having a growth mindset builds neural flexibility for ourselves and the people in our lives. In particular, holding an attitude of kindness and self-compassion is key, particularly for when we “go off track”.  Before you hold your nose at the soft idea of “self-compassion”, know that the science shows that self-compassion is associated with higher psychological wellbeing, better physical health, and improved personal and professional skills.   

If we can bring an attitude of kind curiosity to our “mistakes”, we are much more apt to be able to problem solve and try a new approach.  Self-compassion is the opposite of shame and blame.  Shame and blame are a painful waste of energy, separate us from others, and actually prevent us from making an honest assessment of what needs to shift to continue our path of intention. I love Nelson Mandela’s words, “I never lose.  I only win or learn”. In this sense, each time we “lose” is actually an opportunity to learn something new and adjust our course.  

Finally, cultivating realistic expectations for what is actually possible in our current context is key for ourselves, our partners and our children.  We’re most likely a bit worn out right now.  We’re most likely not going to be able to focus as well.  We’re probably less productive these days. That’s OK.  Dr. Shauna Shapiro talks about setting “ridiculously unambitious goals”.  The idea isn’t to throw our hands up and eat Ben & Jerry’s on the couch for the rest of the pandemic, but to focus on and celebrate micro-movements in the direction of our intentions and preferred habits.  This is what actually refuels our tank so we can be present for our families and communities.  

Below are two short exercises to help you reflect on your intentions, and how to shape your attention (your habits).  Please try them out with an attitude of kindness and curiosity, and let me know what you think!  

Resources & Reflection Exercises

Reflection Exercises

Read through questions, don’t rush, then on another piece of paper reflect on your thoughts/feelings for about 10 minutes for each set of questions.  Use the format that works best for your brain -- free-write, draw, doodle, list, bullet point, diagram.  Don’t edit, don’t worry about perfection.  You don’t have to answer all of the questions, use them as guides to stimulate your creativity. Nobody is going to see this, it’s just for you.  

 Intention/Purpose Exercise

·      What do I care most about at this time?  

·      Who is important to me? 

·      What are my core values?

·      What do I want to grow?  In me, my family, my community, my work team, my world.  

·      What part of my purpose has been blocked/interrupted by the pandemic(s)?  What part has been activated by the pandemic(s)?

Attention/Habits Exercise

• What habits/routines give me confidence and ease? What gets in the way?

• What brings me joy?

• How have I had to change or innovate my wellbeing habits/routines in the context of the pandemic(s)?

• What people uplift me. Who are my guides?

• What/who do I set limits on or say “NO” to?

• What do I need from others right now (partners, families, co-workers, workplace)?

Resources

Podcast

10Percent Happier - The Scientific Basis for Self-Compassion

https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/chris-germer-310

Short Articles/websites

The Power of Self-Compassion, Emma Sappala (Science Director at Stanford University’s Center for Compassion & Altruism Research and Education)

https://www.tenpercent.com/meditationweeklyblog/the-power-of-self-compassion

The Science of Self-Compassion

Science, practical exercises and more

Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

https://self-compassion.org

Chris Germer, Ph.D.

https://chrisgermer.com

Book:

Good Morning I love you: Mindfulness and Self Compassion Practices to Re-wire your Brain for Calm, Clarity & Joy. Dr. Shauna Shapiro

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Morning-Love-You-Self-Compassion/dp/1683643437

Navigating Stormy Times

We are in rough seas.  Even before this past week’s racist, anti-Semitic mob attacked our Capitol building, we have been living through multiple pandemics -- COVID, racism and the backlash to the Black Lives Matter movement, lives lost to police and state sanctioned violence, and a profound environmental crisis.  

In the context of our world today, we all need to renew ourselves, and support our wellbeing to sustain our families and our communities.  But how do we have time to replenish ourselves, how do we rekindle our inner fire after a week (month/year) like this?  

All of us feel the impact of what’s happening in the world today in our daily lives, in our minds, and in our nervous systems.  One stressor piles up on top of the next and our bodies, minds, and hearts don’t have time to recover.  This puts our sympathetic nervous system (the gas pedal) on over drive and floods our body with the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline.  It overrides our parasympathetic nervous system (the brakes) which is what helps us generate comfort and calm.  It’s also the part of our brain responsible for problem solving, creativity, and connection with others/empathy.  This non-stop gas pedal to the floor burns out our nervous systems, our circuits are shot.  It can lead to reactivity, burnout, and exhaustion.  

At the same time, alongside this past year’s grief, loss, and chronic stress, we’ve also shown a ton of grit and grace, activism and endurance.  We have shown incredible creativity and ingenuity.  We need to continue to fuel this, but not in an endless list of “self-care” (read=self-improvement/self-deficit) “to-do” lists.   None of us need more “to-do”. 

In the next three posts, I am going to share three key elements to support our wellbeing during this time.  They are: 

1.     Calm our nervous system

2.     Access our inner resources

3.     Deepen our connection with others (outer resources)

Today we’re going to focus on calming our nervous system.  Learning how to calm our nervous system is a skill that grows with practice.  We first need to acknowledge our level of stress, and make sure that we are taking time to support our nervous system.  To come back to balance and calm.  If we are operating in a constant state of stress elevation, we aren’t able to access the parts of our brains most effective for problem solving, responding with creativity, and connection with others.  Of course, when we really need to pause and release stress is when we forget to practice, or don’t have time.  But, in fact, as soon as you pause and take a deep breath you activate the vagus nerve.  The vagus nerve puts us into our parasympathetic state of renewal, replenishment, and comfort.  

So today, let’s take a couple of minutes to practice together.  I like to think of this as preparing our minds for optimal life.  Let’s create some space in our minds from the stress so we’re ready for connection, creativity, and problem solving.  Our families and our world need you to have a full tank of gas right now.    

Below is an audio link to a guided exercise I recorded from Dr. Shauna Shapiro (link to her website below).  She has written many books, given a TED talk, been on countless podcasts.  I heard her lead this exercise on a wonderful podcast called, “Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman” and loved it (link below).  I also love this podcast, but that’s another story for a different post.   

Here is the link to the audio recording:  The text is also below in the resources section, if you prefer recording it in your own voice.  Please try it out and let me know what you think!  

Resources

Dr. Shauna Shapiro, https://drshaunashapiro.com

Raising Good Humans Podcast / Dr. Aliza Pressman.

https://aliza.libsyn.com/dr-shauna-shapiro-on-using-mindfulness-to-help-grow-our-emotional-resources-and-our-childrens-self-regulation

Preparing for Optimal Life Exercise (if you prefer to record in your own voice)

You can begin by letting your eyes close.  If you don’t like to close your eyes you can look down at the floor and just take a moment to arrive, here together.  So, let’s first focus on arriving in your body right now.  What I mean by this is start to gather your attention back into yourself.  You can put all the worries, the to-do lists racing around in your mind, or other demands on you to the side for the next few minutes.  You can always pick them back up when you need to.  So, start by literally bringing attention to your body.  Wiggle your toes, feel your feet, feel both legs, your seat on the chair, your spine straight and upright, soften the shoulders, let your awareness rise.  You may notice that your mind is wandering.  It’s OK, that’s natural, gently bring your mind back.  If it wanders, just bring it back, don’t judge it.  It’s natural.  Feel the palms of your hands, feel your belly and the breath moving your belly, as you inhale the belly rises and fills with air, and as you exhale you release.  So, receiving the inhale, releasing the exhale.  Oxygenating the body with each in breath, releasing letting go of stress and tension with each out breath.  The body knows how to take care of you, the breath knows what to do, you don’t have to try, just let yourself breathe.  When you exhale you’re exhaling carbon dioxide and stress, when you inhale you’re receiving the nourishment in the oxygen.  And continuing up the torso to the chest.  I want to invite you to put your hand on your heart.  Notice what this feels like.  For 50% of us, simply putting our hand on our heart cues the release of oxytocin, one of our key “feel good” and connecting hormones.  Begin to feel the heart.  Begin to feel the heartbeat.  Don’t worry about it if you can’t feel it, some people’s hearts are located a little differently physically, but it’s definitely beating.  The heart is sending oxygen and nutrients to every cell in your body.  The heart is taking care of you right now.  Can you receive that nourishment, and then continuing up into the throat, into your face, soften your jaw, release any tension, soften the eyes, forehead, the temples, the whole face, you can tilt your chin down a millimeter and let the back of the neck lengthen, feel the sides, the top of the head. And just get a sense of the whole body resting. 

Notice how you’re feeling after just a couple minutes of practice.  And bringing this open, kind, curious attention with you as you let some light back in the eyes.  You can go ahead and stretch arms above the head.  Good.   Great job. Now go back to busy life.  

Gratitude Grouch

As I write this, to be honest, I couldn’t be feeling less grateful.  We just cancelled a long-planned Thanksgiving visit from my sister, my young children are still in Zoom school (i.e. my husband and I trade off days to become 2nd grade teacher aides), my husband’s job is on COVID hold, and our sweet old dog Petey gets slower and creakier by the day.  We keep joking that he is our COVID emotional support dog.  At least once a day someone is crying into his fur.  

In the big picture, we have much to be thankful for.  So why then is it so difficult to feel this gratitude right now?  Am I just a COVID Thanksgiving gratitude grouch?

Well, it turns out gratitude is more of a practice than a passive, pre-ordained state of mind.  In fact, our minds are primed with a negativity bias. Evolutionarily, our brains developed to be hypervigilant.  To constantly scan the environment for saber tooth tigers, so we could generate a strong physiological reaction and run like crazy back to the safety of our cave. The evolutionary hangover to this is that our brain first scans for the bad news, fixates on it in a painful feedback loop that ups our stress hormones, and reacts in a manner that isn’t always in our modern-day best interests. 

But the good news, especially during this time in the world where so much feels out of our control and at risk, is that we actually have a superpower to shape and shift our brain’s negativity bias.  It’s not a cape or vibranium, it’s called practice.  We develop gratitude by practicing it repeatedly.  What we focus on grows.  

I know, I know, you’re probably groaning, “one more thing to add to my to do list?”  “one more new-agey, feel good, self-improvement tip” “UGH, no thanks”.  Well, the good news is it’s nothing to add, or to do.  It’s all already happening. It’s right here.  It’s just about pausing and noticing it (the amber instead of the saber tooth tiger) for the length of three breaths.  

If the time argument isn’t compelling, here’s another reason why we should we practice gratitude, especially when it’s the least thing we are feeling at the moment.  It works!  As Dr. Shauna Shapiro describes from her research, gratitude primes our minds for joy.  She writes, “It helps us pause and take in the good.  Often, we’re so preoccupied with the stressors in our lives that we miss the beauty surrounding us”.  

But it’s not just that Dr. Shapiro says so.  Hundreds of research studies have shown that gratitude helps us notice and access positive emotions.  Gratitude is also linked to a multitude of physical, cognitive and relational benefits such as:

 ·      Decreased depression

·      Improved sleep

·      Increased resilience

·      Decreased risk of cardiovascular disease

·      Better relationships

·      More work satisfaction

·      More effective work practices

·      Increased creativity & increased perspective taking

If your interest is peaked, below are some informational resources, and some simple practices to try.  Try it out yourself, see what you notice.  Bring an attitude of kind curiosity to the experiment.  And let me know what you discover.  

Two exercises from Dr. Shapiro’s work to get started:  

(1)   “A good memory picture in three breaths”.  We can install a positive experience into our long-term memory by focusing on it for 3 breaths.  This can be done anytime, anywhere.  Reflect on concrete details of the experience you are grateful for. The more you include sensory details, the more benefit. What do you see, hear, smell, taste or feel?  More sensory details help the memory stick in the brain.  Do this for 3 inhale/exhales.  Keep doing whatever you were doing in busy life.  

(2)   “Three good things”.  Spend 5-10 minutes at the end of each day writing in detail about three things (large or small) that went well that day.  As above, reflect on concrete details of the experience you are grateful for. The more you include sensory details, the more benefit.  Studies of this process demonstrated increased happiness, enhanced well-being, reduced stress, better access to positive memories, and a greater sense of flourishing in life.  (Shapiro, p.132)

This weird COVID Thanksgiving I’m grateful for you.  As I write, I am reminded that what we practice grows stronger.  I can be a gratitude grouch, and then always begin the practice again.  And again.  And again. 

Resources:

Podcast

“How to be Grateful when Everything Sucks”

DaRa Williams on the 10% Happier Podcast (Free)

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-be-grateful-when-everything-sucks-dara-williams/id1087147821?i=1000496324404

Book

Shauna Shapiro, PhD

Good Morning, I Love You:  Mindfulness + Self Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity + Joy

Matters of the Heart

The other day after work  I was at a local store buying a last minute gift for a 3-year-old birthday party the next morning.  As I paid at the front counter, I noticed a particularly sparkly card with the word “LOVE” in large, gold glitter letters splashed across its front.  Perfect birthday card for this particular girl who hasn’t met a sparkle she doesn’t like.  Then I opened it up to read, “Happy Valentine’s Day”.  What?!  Wasn’t it just Christmas?  I took a beat and realized, yes, it was no longer Christmas crimson surrounding me, but Valentine red everywhere.  The store was scattered with the requisite pink as well -- chocolates wrapped in foil, flowery script, candles conveying messages of love, and bottles of bubble bath promising the perfect romance. 

While I do love dark chocolate, the occasional sparkle, and even romantic comedies (which the feminist in me is embarrassed to admit) the merchandising of matters of the heart has left most of us in the dark about how to actually nurture and sustain a lasting, loving relationship. 

Enter the LOVE LAB and the work of John and Julie Gottman, partners in life and work at University of Washington.  Can you imagine working with your partner for the last several decades?  And still being together?!  They’ve made it their life’s work to study what enhances relationships and what predicts their demise.  They’ve worked with and learned from straight and gay couples of all ethnicities and ages, and have developed the ability to predict (with 90% accuracy!!!) which couples will stay together and who will break up. 

One day, they decided why not take all this science, all this clinical experience, all this knowledge about predicting break ups, and turn it into a research-based approach to building stronger relationships for couples and families. They call this approach the, “Sound Relationship House”. Their work is beautiful and deep and nuanced, and USEFUL if you’re interested in enhancing your relationship.  Check it out in detail here https://www.gottman.com. 

In a nutshell, their research and work with couples has identified three key processes to sustaining rich and intimate relationships: 

• Co-creating an ever-deepening friendship
• Managing conflict
• Developing a shared vision for life

Co-creating an ever-deepening friendship.  This means you take the time to really know your partner and their world– what are their greatest hopes, fears, desires, accomplishments, failures.  Who drives them crazy at work?  How do they ask for connection and express their emotional and sexual needs?  This also means you share fondness and admiration for one another every day – a verbal and nonverbal gratitude practice. This may not sound as exciting as, “50 Shades of Grey”, but these simple (though not easy) practices are proven to develop greater relational and sexual intimacy.  These kinds of practices are like a solid foundation for a house, they build a positive emotional base of commitment, trust, love, and hope.  The store of goodwill developed through these practices is invaluable when navigating the inevitable conflicts that arise in relationships.     

Managing conflict.  One of the best things you can do for your relationship is actually first attend to your heart. When it’s racing, pounding out of control, breath coming shallow and fast, it’s a sign.  We’re having a, “diffuse physiological reaction” – research talk for losing it.  When this happens, the part of our brain responsible for calm reflection, creative problem solving, and connection with others (among other things) – is essentially offline.  Instead, the oldest part of our brain related to autonomic (unconscious) processes for survival – like breathing, fight or flight – is dominating.  Pay attention to these bodily “messenger” sensations, they are important cues that you may be about to go over a relational cliff. 

So STOP, don’t go there. Don’t choose this moment to try to solve the recurrent concerns in your relationship. Don’t choose this moment to tell your partner what you really think about their: mother, hairstyle, housekeeping skills, lovemaking, parenting, intelligence, etc.  Rather, try this brief self-soothing exercise, a powerful breath break.

• Inhale slowly to the count of four (expanding your abdomen, chest relaxed, listening to breath)
• Pause for one count
• Exhale slowly and completely to the count of six (abdomen deflating, shoulders relaxed, listening to breath)
• Pause for one count
• Repeat 4 times

This brief exercise will help your natural relaxation response (your parasympathetic nervous system) to kick-in.  Once you’ve returned to a sense of calm in your own body, when your brain is back “online”, you will be better able to apply conflict management and communication skills.  In particular, it will help you avoid the Gottman’s strongest predictors of relationship demise: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling (so malignant they’ve named them the “4 Horseman of the Apocalypse”). 

Developing a shared vision of life together. The way we build our life with our partner is full of meaning and reflects our values, beliefs and goals.  How do these show up in your day-to-day rituals and roles?  How do you want to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries?  How do you want to organize mealtimes, wake/sleep times, end of day reunions, weekends, vacations?  How do you broach stressful topics, bring up issues in your relationship, initiate or refuse lovemaking?  It isn’t that this vision has to be exactly the same; rather, what matters is talking about each other’s values together, understanding what makes them meaningful, and finding ways to support each other’s hopes for the future. No matter how “similar” your backgrounds, a relationship is a cross-cultural project.  Within this context of valuing individual difference, a sense of shared meaning and life purpose bonds partners together.

So this Valentine’s Day, enjoy the chocolates and sparkles, watch a cheesy rom-com, draw your partner a bubble bath, AND remember the LOVE LAB.  Bring these principles into your daily life and watch your relationship flourish.    

Pause for Change

To be honest, between changing diapers, my kids’ winter colds, my husband’s travel schedule, working, getting the groceries, remembering to feed Petey (dog, not child), and trying to squeeze in some exercise, the idea of yet another list of things to do, even if it comes with a celebratory “New Year’s Resolutions”, title, hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind.  As the mother of two-year-old twins, most days I feel happy to have made it through the day, never mind have the time to think deeply about resolutions for Life and Change. 

But, I couldn’t quite let it go, as part of what I do love about the New Year is the promise of new beginnings, letting go of the past year, having a clean slate from which to dream and create and plan and act.  I love the idea of an opportunity to reflect on my life, to let go of habits that aren’t serving me anymore, to open up to new relationships and resources, and to move a little closer to what matters most to me in life.

Then I had an idea -- what if this “resolution” thing isn’t a grand list we compose each year, but perhaps an opportunity that we have each morning, each hour, or maybe even each moment?   A chance to pause, to breathe in and to acknowledge what is actually happening in that moment (not in the past problematic moment nor in the imagined perilous future moment).  What if it is a chance to breathe out and let go of the relentless worrisome chatter of the mind, to find a spot of calm in the storm that is modern day life?  This paradoxical “pause for change” (paradoxical in that we tend to think of change being all about action) is where we can find the freedom from our habitual thoughts and moods, and the awareness to re-commit to what we most value for our lives and our relationships.   

Indeed, science supports this approach for creating lasting change in our lives.  No matter how well intentioned, grand lists penned once a year tend to have little lasting effect on our behavior.  What makes change stick is commitment, a community of support, thoughtful, consistent practice (not perfection), and flexibility to adjust our course when faced with new input.  By commitment, I mean commitment that stems from deeply held, personal values and intentions (as opposed to externally driven ideas, like needing to fit into the jeans of the moment to feel comfortable in our body). 

The challenge is keeping up.  For this, it helps to have a community of support – folks who are aligned with you, who believe in you and help sustain your motivation and confidence.  One such teacher of mine recently told me that it would help to “see the seed as the tree” – to see each movement in the direction of my intention, no matter how small, as mattering and powerful. 

So, for this New Year, I invite you to do the same -- see the potential for growth in it all, in all you experience, the good, the bad, the ugly.  See it all as seeds of change, movement towards that magnificent full-grown California Redwood that resides inside of you. 

First, have the courage to survey the landscape of your life – your habitual patterns of thought, feelings, and actions.  This is acknowledging what is.   

Second, determine where you are vis-à-vis your unique values, hopes, beliefs, and goals. This is building awareness. 

Third, identify your unique personal intention or goal (one that really matters to you).  This is developing commitment. 

Fourth, connect with relationships and communities of support that buoy you on this path.  This is building motivation for consistent practice.

Fifth, have compassion for yourself when you fall off the path. Compassion is the opposite of shame and blame. Shame and blame are a painful waste of energy, and actually prevent us from making an honest assessment of what needs to shift to continue our path of intention.  This is flexibility to adjust our course.

And, finally, celebrate each small action, each small choice in the direction of health, happiness, and wellbeing – celebrate like it’s your first New Year’s Eve. 

Holiday Stress-Busting Tips

PAUSE

Observe what’s actually happening.  Just like a roadmap, we need to know where we actually are in this moment, before we can figure out a plan to get where we want to be.  What are the sensations in our body (is our breath shallow & fast, is our heart racing, are our hands sweaty?)  What are we feeling (are we frustrated, angry, nervous, excited, tense, etc.)  What are we thinking (is our negative, critical voice taking over?) Often, when we’re stressed, we speed up, which can lead us to reacting, instead of responding in a powerful way, from our deep wisdom within.  If we can pause, slow down, get back to our center, we can know what steps are needed for self-care.

BREATHE

Take at least 3 long, deep breaths. Our mind and moods are powered through our central nervous system, which is led by our breath.  When we’re stressed, we usually start breathing shorter, shallower breaths.  This brings in less oxygen to feed our brain, blood, and organs.  It triggers the part of our central nervous system involved with the “fight or flight” response and releases stress hormones like adrenaline.  As we take slow, deep breaths, we are activating the part of our central nervous system in charge of relaxation and renewal.  We feel at ease.

MOVE YOUR BODY

Exercise, dance, walk, do yoga.  Movement releases natural endorphins (the “relax, be happy” chemicals in our brains).  Research shows even daily walking can enhance your mood.  Consider the food & nutrition you’re putting into your body, if you’re feeling stressed watch out for excess caffeine and sugar – try an herbal tea that has calming properties.

CONNECT WITH YOUR COMMUNITY

We all need LOVE and support in our life. Identify who in your life encourages you, listens well, provides healthy guidance.  Do something fun with your friends, volunteer and give back, join a group, visit a supportive counselor.

RELAX AND EXPAND YOUR POINT OF VIEW

Explore what activities help you feel ease, peace, a sense of wholeness.  Connect with something that is bigger than you, that helps put our stresses in perspective.  Connect with nature.  Connect with spirituality – meditate, pray, go to church, temple, or the ocean.  This can also help us feel more connected to each other, and have more compassion for ourselves, and others.  For easily downloadable, free guided relaxations go to: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22  and/or http://www.mindfulrp.com/For-Clients.html

TREAT YOURSELF 

What are simple ways to treat yourself?  Take a hot bubble bath, get an ice cream cone on a hot day, enjoy a sunset with someone you love.  Light a beautiful aromatherapy candle.  Cook a healthy meal with family.  Take your dog to the park.